History of the Second Larrikin

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I was living, O my lord, under the same roof with my father’s wife and I had with me some bundles of sesame cobs, but no great quantity, which I stored in a little basket hanging up in the great ceiling-vault of our house. Now one day of the days a party of merchants, numbering five or so, together with their head man, came to our village and began asking for sesame; and they happened to meet me on the road hard by our place, so they put me the same question. I asked them, “Do you want much of it?” and they answered, “We require[FN#340] about an hundred ardabbs."[FN#341] Quoth I, “By me is a large quantity thereof;” and quoth they, “Have the kindness to show us the muster;"[FN#342] whereto I rejoined, “Upon the head and the eye!” Hereat I led them into the room wherein the basket was suspended with a few cobs of sesame (there being none other) and I went up by an outside staircase to the top of the vault, which I pierced, and putting forth my hand, took up a palm-full and therewith returned to them and showed the specimen. They saw that the sesame was clean grain, and said one to other, “This house is naught but full to the vault,[FN#343] for had there been a small quantity there he would have opened the door and shown us the heaps.” Hereupon I conversed with them and settled the price and they paid me as earnest money for an hundred ardabbs of sesame six hundred reals. I took the coin and gave it to the wife of my father, saying to her, “Cook for us a supper that shall be toothsome.” Then I slaughtered for her five chickens and charged her that, after she should have cooked the supper, she must prepare for us a pot of Baysárah[FN#344] which must be slab and thick. She did as I bade her and I returned to the merchants and invited them to sup with us and night in our house. Now when sunset time came I brought them in for the evening meal and they supped and were cheered, and as soon as the hour for night-prayer had passed I spread for them sleeping-gear and said to them, “O our guests, be careful of yourselves lest the wind come forth from your bellies, for with me dwelleth the wife of my father, who disgusteth fizzles and who dieth if she hear a fart.” After this they slept soundly from the stress of their fatigue and were overwhelmed with slumber; but when it was midnight, I took the pot of Baysarah and approached them as they still slumbered and I besmeared[FN#345] their backsides with the Baysarah and returned and slept until dawn of day in my own stead hard beside them. At this time all five were awake, and as each one arose before his companions he sensed a somewhat soft below him and putting forth his hand felt his bum bewrayed[FN#346] with the stuff, and said to his neighbour, “Ho, such an one, I have skited!” and the other said, “I also have conskited myself;” and then all said together, “We have skited.” But when I heard this, O my lord, I arose forthwith and cried out saying, “Haste ye to my help, O ye folk, for these guests have killed my father’s wife."?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I should relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was

The Four Hundred and Forty-fifth Night,

Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale, that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that quoth the second Larrikin to the King:?O my lord, I cried out saying, “The guests have slain the wife of my father.” But when they heard me the merchants arose and ran away, each following other, so I rushed after them, shouting aloud, “Ye have killed my father’s wife,” till such time as they had disappeared from sight. Then said I to myself, “Inshallah! they will never more come back.” But after they had disappeared for a whole year they returned and demanded their coin, to wit, six hundred reals; and I, when the tidings reached me, feigned myself dead and ordered my father’s wife to bury me in the cemetery and I took to my grave a portion of charcoal and a branding-iron. Now when the five merchants came and asked after me the folk said, “He hath deceased and they have graved him in his grave;” whereupon the creditors cried, “By Allah, there is no help but that we go and piss upon his fosse.” Now I had made a crevice in the tomb[FN#347] and I had lighted the charcoal and I had placed the branding-iron ready till it became red hot and, when they came to piddle upon my grave, I took the iron and branded their hinder cheeks with sore branding, and this I did to one and all till the five had suffered in the flesh. Presently they departed to their own country, when my father’s wife came and opened the tomb and drew me forth and we returned together to our home. After a time, however, the news reached these merchants in their towns that I was living and hearty, so they came once more to our village and demanded of the Governor that I be given up to them. So the rulers sent for and summoned me, but when the creditors made a claim upon me for six hundred reals, I said to the Governor, “O my lord, verily these five fellows were slaves to my sire in bygone-times.” Quoth the ruler, “Were ye then in sooth chattels to his sire?” and said they to me, “Thou liest!” Upon this I rejoined, “Bare their bodies; and, if thou find a mark thereupon, they be my father’s serviles, and if thou find no sign then are my words false.” So they examined them and they found upon the rumps of the five, marks of the branding-iron, and the Governor said, “By Allah, in good sooth he hath told the truth and you five are the chattels of his father.” Hereupon began dispute and debate between us, nor could they contrive aught to escape from me until they paid me three hundred reals in addition to what I had before of them. When the Sultan heard these words from the Larrikin he fell to wondering and laughing at what the wight had done and he said, “By Allah, verily thy deed is the deed of a vagabond who is a past-master in fraud.” Then the third Larrikin spoke and said, “By Allah, in good sooth my story is more marvellous and wondrous than the tales of this twain, for that none (methinketh) save I could have done aught of the kind.” The King asked him, “And what may be thy story?” so he began to relate

The Tale of the Third Larrikin.

O my lord, I was once an owner of herds whereof naught remained to me but a single bull well advanced in years and unhealthy of flesh and of hide; and when I sought to sell him to the butchers none was willing to buy him of me, nor even to accept him as a gift. So I was disgusted with the beast and with the idea of eating him; and, as he could not be used either to grind[FN#348] or to plough, I led him into a great courtyard, where I slaughtered him and stripped off his hide. Then I cut the flesh into bittocks?And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I should relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was

The Four Hundred and Forty-seventh Night,

Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of this our latter night!” She replied, “With love and good will!” It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the whilome owner of the bull said to the King:?O my lord, I cut his flesh into bittocks and went forth and cried aloud upon the dogs of the quarter, when they all gathered together nor did one remain behind. Then I caused them to enter the court and having bolted the door gave to each dog a bit of the meat weighing half a pound.[FN#349] So all ate and were filled, after which I shut them up in the house which was large, for a space of three days when, behold, the folk came seeking their tykes and crying, “Whither can the curs have gone?” So I related how I had locked them up within the house and hereupon each man who had a hound came and took it away. Then quoth I, “Thy dog hath eaten a full pound of flesh,” and I took from each owner six faddahs and let him have his beast until I had recovered for the meat of that bull a sum of two thousand faddahs.[FN#350] At last of these dogs there remained to me but one unclaimed and he had only a single eye and no owner. So I took up a staff and beat him and he ran away and I ran after him to catch him until he came upon a house with the door open and rushed within. Now by the decree of the Decreer it so happened that the mistress of the house had a man living with her who was one-eyed and I ran in and said to her, “Bring out the one-eyed that is with thee,” meaning the dog. But when the house mistress heard me say, “Bring out the one-eyed,” she fancied that I spoke of her mate, so knowing naught about the matter of the tyke she came up to me and cried, “Allah upon thee, O my lord, do thou veil what Allah hath veiled and rend not our reputation and deal not disgrace to us;"[FN#351] presently adding, “Take this bangle from me and betray us not.” So I took it and left her and went my ways, after which she returned to the house and her heart was heaving and she found that her man had been in like case ever since he heard me say, “Bring out the one-eyed.” So I went away carrying off the bracelet and fared homeward. But when she looked about the room, lo and behold! she espied the one-eyed dog lying in a corner and, as soon as she caught sight of him, she was certified that I had alluded to the beast. So she buffeted her face and regretted the loss of her bangle and following me she came up and said to me, “O my lord, I have found the one-eyed dog, so do thou return with me and take him;” whereat I had pity upon the woman and restored to her the ornament. However, when this had befallen me, fear possessed my heart lest she denounce me, and I went away from my village and came to this place where the three of us forgathered and have lived ever since. When the King had given ear to this story he was cheered and said, “By Allah, verily the adventures of you three are wondrous, but my desire of you is to know if any of you have heard aught of the histories of bygone Sultans; and, if so, let him relate them to me. First, however, I must take you into the city that you may enjoy your rest.” “O my lord,” quoth they, “who art thou of the citizens?” and quoth he, “I am the King of this country, and the cause of my coming hither was my design to hunt and chase and the finding you here hath diverted me therefrom.” But when they heard his words, they forthwith rose to their feet and did him obeisance saying, “Hearing and obeying,” after which the three repaired with him to the city. Here the King commanded that they set apart for them an apartment and appointed to them rations of meat and drink and invested them with robes of honour; and they remained in company one with other till a certain night of the nights when the Sultan summoned them and they made act of presence between his hands and the season was after the King had prayed the Isha[FN#352] prayers. So he said to them, “I require that each and every of you who knoweth an history of the Kings of yore shall relate it to me,” whereat said one of the four, “I have by me such a tale.” Quoth the King, “Then tell it to us;” when the first Larrikin began to relate the