The Simpleton and the Sharper

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A certain simpleton was once walking along, haling his ass after him by the halter, when a pair of sharpers saw him and one said to his fellow, “I will take that ass from yonder wight.” Asked the other, “How wilt thou do that?” “Follow me and I will show thee how,” answered the first. So the cony-catcher went up to the ass and, loosing it from the halter, gave the beast to his fellow; then he haltered his own head and followed Tom Fool till he knew the other had got clean off with the ass, when he stood still. The oaf haled at the halter, but the rascal stirred not; so he turned and seeing the halter on a man’s neck, said to him, “What art thou?” Quoth the sharper, “I am thine ass and my story is a wonderous one and tis this. Know that I have a pious old mother and come in to her one day, drunk; and she said to me: O my son, repent to the Almighty of these thy transgressions.’ But I took my staff and beat her, whereupon she cursed me and Allah changed me into an ass and caused me fall into thy hands, where I have remained till this moment. However, to-day, my mother called me to mind and her heart yearned towards me; so she prayed for me and the Lord restored me to my former shape amongst the sons of Adam.” Cried the silly one, “There is no Majesty and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great! Allah upon thee, O my brother, acquit me of what I have done with thee in the way of riding and so forth.” Then he let the cony-catcher go and returned home, drunken with chagrin and concern as with wine. His wife asked him, “What aileth thee and where is the donkey?”; and he answered, “Thou knowest not what was this ass; but I will tell thee.” So he told her the story, and she exclaimed, “Alack and alas for the punishment we shall receive from Almighty Allah! How could we have used a man as a beast of burden, all this while? And she gave alms by way of atonement and prayed pardon of Heaven.[FN#119] Then the man abode awhile at home, idle and feckless, till she said to him, “How long wilt thou sit at home doing naught? Go to the market and buy us an ass and ply thy work with it.” Accordingly, he went to the market and stopped by the ass-stand, where behold, he saw his own ass for sale. So he went up to it and clapping his mouth to its ear, said to it, “Woe to thee, thou ne’er-do-well! Doubtless thou hast been getting drunk again and beating thy mother! But, by Allah, I will never buy thee more."[FN#120] and he left it and went away. And they tell a tale concerning

THE KAZI ABU YUSUF WITH HARUN AL-RASHID AND QUEEN ZUBAYDAH

The Caliph Harun al-Rashid went up one noon-tide to his couch, to lie down; and mounting, found upon the bed-clothes semen freshly emitted; whereat he was startled and troubled with sore trouble. So he called the Lady Zubaydah and said to her, “What is that spilt on the bed?” She looked at it and replied, “O Commander of the Faithful, it is semen.” Quoth he, “Tell me truly what this meaneth or I will lay violent hands on thee forthright.” Quoth she, “By Allah, O Commander of the Faithful, indeed I know not how it came there and I am guiltless of that whereof you suspectest me.” So he sent for the Kazi Abϊ Yϊsuf and acquainted him of the case. The Judge raised his eyes to the ceiling and, seeing a crack therein, said to the Caliph, “O Commander of the Faithful, in very sooth the bat hath seed like that of a man,[FN#121] and this is bat’s semen.” Then he called for a spear and thrust it into the crevice, whereupon down fell the bat. In this manner the Caliph’s suspicions were dispelled,—And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

When it was the Three hundred and Eighty-ninth Night

She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when the Kazi Abu Yusuf took the spear and thrust it into the crevice, down fell the bat, and thus the Caliph’s suspicions were dispelled and the innocence of Zubaydah was made manifest; whereat she gave loud and liberal vent to her joy and promised Abu Yusuf a magnificent reward. Now there were with her certain delicious fruits, out of their season, and she knew of others in the garden; so she asked Abu Yusuf, “O Imam of the Faith, which wouldst thou rather have of the two kinds of fruits, those that are here or those that are not here?” And he answered, “Our code forbiddeth us to pronounce judgement on the absent; whenas they are present, we will give our decision.” So she let bring the two kinds of fruits before him; and he ate of both. Quoth she, “What is the difference between them?” and quoth he, “As often as I think to praise one kind, the adversary putteth in its claim.” The Caliph laughed at his answer[FN#122] and made him a rich present; and Zubaydah also gave him what she had promised him, and he went away, rejoicing. See, then the virtues of this Imαm and how his hands were manifest the truth and the innocence of the Lady Zubaydah. And amongst other stories is that of

THE CALIPH AL-HAKIM[FN#123] AND THE MERCHANT

The Caliph Al-Hαkim bi-Amri’llah was riding out in state procession one day, when he passed along a garden, wherein he saw a man, surrounded by negro-slaves and eunuchs. He asked him for a draught of water, and the man gave him to drink, saying, “Belike, the Commander of the Faithful will honour me by alighting in this my garden.” So the Caliph dismounted and with his suite entered the garden; whereupon the said man brought out to them an hundred rugs and an hundred leather mats and an hundred cushions; and set before them an hundred dishes of fruits, an hundred bowls of sweetmeats and an hundred jars of sugared sherbets; at which the Caliph marvelled with much amaze and said to his host, “O man, verily this thy case is wondrous: didst thou know of our coming and make this preparation for us?” He replied, “No by Allah, O Commander of the Faithful, I knew not of thy coming and I am a merchant of the rest of thy subjects; but I have an hundred concubines; so, when the Commander of the Faithful honoured me by alighting with me, I sent to each of them, bidding her send me her morning-meal in the garden. So they sent me each of her furniture and the surplus of her meat and drink: and every day each sendeth me a dish of meat and another of cooling marinades, also a platter of fruits and a bowl of sweetmeats and a jar of sherbet. This is my noon-day dinner, nor have I added aught thereto for thee.” Then the Commander of the Faithful, Al-Hakim bi-Amri’llah prostrated himself in thanksgiving to the Almighty (extolled and exalted be His name!) and said, “Praise be Allah, who hath been so bountiful to one of our lieges, that he entertaineth the Caliph and his host, without making ready for them; nay, he feedeth them with the surplusage of his day’s provision!” Then he sent for all the dirhams in the treasury, that had been struck that year (and they were in number three thousand and seven hundred thousand); nor did he mount until the money came, when he gave it to the merchant, saying, “Use this as thy state may require; and thy generosity deserveth more than this.” Then he took horse and rode away. And I have heard a story concerning

KING KISRA ANUSHIRWAN[FN#124] AND THE VILLAGE DAMSEL

The Just King, Kisrα Anϊshirwαn, one day rode forth to the chase and, in pursuit of a deer, became separated from his suite. Presently, he caught sight of a hamlet near hand and being sore athirst, he made for it and presenting himself at the door of a house that lay by the wayside, asked for a draught of water. So a damsel came out and looked at him; then, going back into the house, pressed the juice from a single sugar-cane into a bowl and mixed it with water; after which she strewed on the top some scented stuff, as it were dust, and carried it tot he King. Thereupon he seeing in it what resembled dust, drank it, little by little, till he came to the end; when said he to her, “O damsel, the drink is good, and how sweet it had been but for this dust in it that troubleth it.” Answered she, “O guest, I put in that powder for a purpose;” and he asked, “And why didst thou thus?”; so she replied, “I saw thee exceedingly thirsty and feared that thou wouldst drain the whole at one draught and that this would thee mischief; and but for this dust that troubled the drink so hadst thou done.” The Just King wondered at her words, knowing that they came of her wit and good sense, and said to her, “From how many sugar canes didst thou express this draught?” “One,” answered she; whereat Anushirwan marvelled and, calling for the register of the village taxes, saw that its assessment was but little and bethought him to increase it, on his return to his palace, saying in himself, “A village where they get this much juice out of one sugar-cane, why is it so lightly taxed?” He then left the village and pursued his chase; and, as he came back at the end of the day, he passed alone by the same door and called again for drink; whereupon the same damsel came out and, knowing him at a look, went in to fetch him water. It was some time before she returned and Anushirwan wondered thereat and said to her, “Why hast thou tarried?"—And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased to say her permitted say.

When it was the Three hundred and Ninetieth Night

She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that when Anushirwan hurried the damsel and asked her, “Why hast thou tarried?” she answered, “Because a single sugar-cane gave not enough for thy need; so I pressed three; but they yielded not to much as one did before.” Rejoined he, “What is the cause of that?”; and she replied, “The cause of it is that when the Sultan’s[FN#125] mind is changed against a folk, their prosperity ceaseth and their good waxeth less.” So Anushirwan laughed and dismissed from his mind that which he had purposed against the villagers. Moreover, he took the damsel to wife then and there, being pleased with her much wit and acuteness and the excellence of her speech. And they tell another tale of the

WATER-CARRIER[FN#126] AND THE GOLDSMITH’S WIFE

There was once, in the city of Bokhara, a water-carrier, who used to carry water to the house of a goldsmith and had done this thirty years. Now that goldsmith had a wife of exceeding beauty and loveliness, brilliancy and perfect grace; and she was withal renowned for piety, chastity and modesty. One day the water- carrier came, as of custom, and poured the water into the cisterns. Now the woman was standing in the midst of the court; so he went close up to her and taking her hand, stroked it and pressed it, then went away and left her. When her husband came home from the bazar, she said to him, “I would have thee tell me what thing thou hast done in the market this day, to anger Almighty Allah.” Quoth he, “I have done nothing to offend the Lord.” “Nay,” rejoined she, “but, by Allah, thou hast indeed done something to anger Him; and unless thou tell me the whole truth, I will not abide in thy house, and thou shalt not see me, nor will I see thee.” So he confessed, “I will tell thee the truth of what I did this day. It so chanced that, as I was sitting in my shop, as of wont, a woman came up to me and bade me make her a bracelet of gold. Then she went away and I wrought her a bracelet and laid it aside. But when she returned and I brought her out the bracelet, she put forth her hand and I clasped the bracelet on her wrist; and I wondered at the whiteness of her hand and the beauty of her wrist, which would captivate any beholder; and I recalled what the poet saith,

Her fore-arms, dight with their bangles, show *

Like fire ablaze on the waves a-flow;

As by purest gold were the water girt, *

And belted around by a living lowe.'

So I took her hand and pressed it and squeezed it.” Said the woman, “Great God! Why didst thou this ill thing? Know that the water-carrier, who hath come to our house these thirty years, nor sawst thou ever any treason in him took my hand this day and pressed and squeezed it.” Said her husband, “O woman, let us crave pardon of Allah! Verily, I repent of what I did, and do thou ask forgiveness of the Lord for me.” She cried, “Allah pardon me and thee, and receive us into his holy keeping."—And Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and ceased saying her permitted say.

When it was the Three hundred and Ninety-first Night,

She said, It hath reached me, O auspicious King, that the goldsmith’s wife cried out, “Allah pardon me and thee, and receive us into his holy keeping!” And on the next day, the water-carrier came in to the jeweller’s wife and, throwing himself at her feet, grovelled in the dust and besought pardon of her, saying, “O my lady, acquit me of that which Satan deluded me to do; for it was he that seduced me and led me astray.” She answered, “Go thy ways, the sin was not in thee, but in my husband, for that he did what he did in his shop, and Allah hath retaliated upon him in this world.” And it related that the goldsmith, when his wife told him how the water-carrier had used her, said, “Tit for tat, and blow for blow!; had I done more the water-carrier had done more”;—which became a current byword among the folk. Therefore it behoveth a wife to be both outward and inward with her husband; contenting herself with little from him, if he cannot give her much, and taking pattern by Ayishah the Truthful and Fatimah the virgin mother (Allah Almighty accept of them the twain!), that she may be of the company of the righteous ancestry.[FN#127] And I have heard the following tale of